The Onion Essay

Luke's Medical Center that he had shot the missile into his nose in the belief that it would travel through his body and out his belly button."' I've heard some pretty stupid s*** in my time, but that has to take the cake," said Dr. "Why would any kid think he could fire plastic missiles up his nose and expect them to come out his belly button?

There's no point in feeling bad about this child's demise, because the deck was obviously stacked against him from the start.'""Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room.

The website, an offshoot of a once-obscure local publication, uses a news format to satirize American culture and American media alike.

But of course, you probably already knew that — because before there was College Humor, Funny or Die, or even Fark, there was "Shortly before dying, Weiller told emergency medical personnel at St.

Yeah, I am so sure.""According to witnesses, a loud black man approached a crowd of some 4,000 strangers in downtown Chicago Tuesday and made repeated demands for change."The time for change is now," said the black guy, yelling at everyone within earshot for 20 straight minutes, practically begging America for change.""As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state.

Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.""What part of this don't you understand?

Things are getting so close now, we can hardly contain ourselves here at the North Pole.

And from the looks of it, my young friend, we're not the only ones set to burst!

According to the review, authored by Pitchfork editor in chief Ryan Schreiber, the popular medium that predates the written word shows promise but nonetheless 'leaves the listener wanting more.'""It's great," said Weebles bassist Gary Gaspart, 22, speaking from the band's practice space in guitarist/vocalist Jonah Thompson's parents' garage. It's all about helping each other out, going to the other bands' shows.

We're really building on the Terre Haute Sound in ways that are going to blow it up, and I mean wide.""I am reminded of the words of Voltaire: ' I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,'" Strossen said.

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